Don’t Freeze at a Korean Funeral: The Art of Bowing & Incense 🕯️

Introduction: The Silence is Loud, But You Are Ready

Hello! This is your Senior Editor from Daily Hangul. 👋

Picture this: You are at a funeral home (Jangryesikjang) in Korea. The air is heavy, the smell of chrysanthemums is everywhere, and you are wearing your darkest suit. You walk up to the altar. All eyes are on your back. Suddenly, panic hits.

“Wait, do I hold the incense with my left hand or right? Do I bow once or twice? What if I blow out the incense like a birthday candle?”

If your palms are sweating just reading this, don’t worry. This is one of the most stressful scenarios even for Koreans! But getting this right earns you immense respect. It shows you aren’t just a visitor; you truly share their sorrow.

This guide is based on real questions from our intermediate students who had to attend a coworker’s funeral. Let’s master the solemn art of Jo-mun (Paying condolences).

Phase 2: Deep Dive into Core Expressions

Here are the three key terms you need to navigate the altar.

1. 분향하다 (To burn incense)

• Pronunciation: [Bun-hyang-ha-da] Sounds like ‘Bun’ (bread) + ‘Hyang’ (scent)
• Meaning: Literally “to distribute fragrance.” In context, it means offering incense to the deceased.
• Editor’s Insight: You will rarely say this word in conversation, but you will see it on signs or hear the MC say it. In casual speech, we just say “향을 피우다” (to light/burn incense).
• Situation: Formal ritual.

2. 절을 올리다 (To offer a bow)

• Pronunciation: [Jeo-reul ol-li-da]
• Meaning: Jeol is the deep formal bow. Ollida means “to raise/offer up.”
• Editor’s Insight: Why “offer”? Because you are giving your respect up to the spirit. Note: You don’t just “do” a bow (하다); in this solemn context, “offering” (올리다) sounds much more respectful.
• Situation: Very formal.

3. 상주 (Chief Mourner)

• Pronunciation: [Sang-ju]
• Meaning: The chief mourner, usually the eldest son or spouse, standing right next to the altar.
• Editor’s Insight: This is the person you bow to after you bow to the deceased. Do not confuse the two!

Phase 3: Textbook vs. Real Life

Let’s see how a B1 learner speaks versus a culturally fluent speaker.

💡 Editor’s Note: “재배” (Jaebae) is the specific Hanja word for “bowing twice,” but at B1 level, saying “절 두 번” is perfectly fine and natural!

Phase 4: Cultural Context & Manners (Nunchi 101)

Language is only 20% of communication here. The rest is body language. Follow these “Daily Hangul Rules” to avoid taboo mistakes:

1. The “No Blowing” Rule 🚫: Never, ever blow out the incense flame with your breath. In Korean folklore, the mouth is considered unclean in this context, or it risks blowing away the spirit. Shake it gently or wave it with your hand.
2. The “Right Hand Lead, Left Hand Support” 🤝: When placing the incense stick into the burner, hold it with your right hand and support your right wrist with your left hand. This signifies deep respect.
3. The Bowing Math:
   • To the Deceased (Photo): 2 Full Bows + 1 Light Bow (Head nod).
   • To the Sangju (Family): 1 Full Bow + 1 Light Bow.
   • Simple formula: Dead = 2, Living = 1.

Phase 5: Real-Life Roleplay

Setting: A funeral home altar room. Mark is about to offer incense.

Sang-min (Korean Friend): (Whispering) 긴장하지 마. 내가 알려줄게.
(Don’t be nervous. I’ll let you know what to do.)

Mark: (Picking up incense) 향은 오른손으로 집으면 되지?
(I grab the incense with my right hand, right?)

Sang-min: 응. 불 붙이고 나서 입으로 불지 마! 흔들어서 꺼.
(Yeah. After lighting it, don’t blow with your mouth! Shake it to put it out.)

Mark: (Shakes incense, places it in burner) 알겠어. 그 다음엔 절 두 번 맞지?
(Got it. Next is bowing twice, right?)

Sang-min: 맞아. 고인께 절 두 번 하고, 상주랑 맞절 한 번 하면 돼.
(Right. Bow twice to the deceased, then bow once to the Chief Mourner face-to-face.)

Phase 6: 10-Second Shadowing Drill

Let’s practice the sentence you might use to explain this rule to someone else (or remind yourself!). Focus on the pause after ‘blow’.

“향불은 입으로 불지 말고 / 가볍게 흔들어서 끄세요.”

• Romanization: Hyang-bu-reun i-beu-ro bul-ji mal-go / ga-byeop-ge heun-deu-reo-seo kkeu-se-yo.
• Translation: Don’t blow out the incense flame with your mouth; shake it lightly to extinguish it.

Phase 7: FAQ & Troubleshooting

Q: I’m Christian/Catholic. Do I have to bow?
A: No. If your religion forbids bowing to the deceased, you can stand silently for a moment of prayer (묵념 – Muk-nyeom). Usually, there will be white chrysanthemums (국화) available. You can place a flower on the altar instead of burning incense.

Q: Can I look the Chief Mourner in the eye?
A: Keep your gaze lowered. Staring directly into eyes during such a sorrowful time can be perceived as aggressive or lacking empathy.

Phase 8: Wrap-up

📝 One-Liner Summary:
Support your right arm with your left, shake the incense (don’t blow!), and remember: 2 bows for the deceased, 1 bow for the family.

🏃 Action Mission:
Pick up a pen right now. Practice holding it with your right hand while supporting your right wrist with your left hand. Do this until it feels natural. This is the “Respect Gesture” used not just for funerals, but for pouring drinks too!

💬 Your Turn:
Have you ever been to a funeral in another country? How was it different? Tell me in the comments!

Phase 9: Pop Quiz

1. How many full bows do you offer to the deceased?
   a) One
   b) Two
   c) Three

2. What is the taboo action when extinguishing incense?
   a) Shaking it
   b) Pinching it
   c) Blowing with your mouth

3. Which hand supports the right arm when placing incense?
   a) Left hand
   b) No support needed
   c) Both hands hold the stick

(Answers: 1. b, 2. c, 3. a)